As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
