I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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