Just fell off a train. Bad.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize