hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
