I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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