He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
