so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize