i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
This house was built for laser tag.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize