Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
