Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She even gives head with a lisp.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
