Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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