I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
