He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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