went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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