i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
