Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
