about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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