i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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