12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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