we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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