your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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