I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
