my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
