i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
