Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
