I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
