i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
