so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
