In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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