capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
