1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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