I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
