Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I have tasted many bathrooms
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
