Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
