I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
