my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm too high and old for this...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
