idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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