Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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