I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
