I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
