dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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