I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
