I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
