I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
