I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
