i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
