when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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