I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
bring money and cleavage
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
