chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize