its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
