I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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