Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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