the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
