So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
