I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
