Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
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