Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
