May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
