i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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