i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize