Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
