Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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