you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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