If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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