Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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