just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
