Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i think i have two assholes
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
